27 Sep The Spirituality of Relationships: How to Get Over Your Ex
There are a plethora of books on relationships and personal advice columns written about how to get reestablished and move on after ending a relationship. This article specifically aims to find the spiritual essence of why we were in that relationship in the first place, and what we can learn from it. When we are asked about our previous partners, the feelings that start to come up will tell us exactly how “over” them we really are.
So when thinking about our exes, if we are still hurting inside, harbouring anger or judgements, we may still not be spiritually connected with the deeper meanings behind the experiences we had together.
It takes Two to Tango
This adage, “It takes two to tango“, is a great illustration of the concept that, in all situations pertaining to relationships, it can never be solely the fault of one person. Therefore one of the most fundamental aspects to moving on spiritually is to accept that perhaps we too have played a part in the situation.
Looking at how we helped create a painful situation can often be difficult, so as we go through this remember to breathe deeply, and remember that there is an infinite love of the cosmos that exists around you.
A great way to start looking at our part in creating the experiences we have been through is by taking as much responsibility for the situation as the fault we try to impose on the other. How did the relationship start? Where were you at the time? Often the different types of people we meet will be relative to places we decide to go to. The people we would meet at a sports bar would be different then the people we would meet at a yoga class. So take the time to really look at where you met your ex and identify how that may represent the personality of the relationship.
By taking accountability for where we choose to go, and the people we choose to associate with, we will in turn begin to attract more like minded individuals. Likewise by appreciating our past actions and learning from the mistakes we have made we can refine our approach.
A some point we will have to look at the people who we view as being polar opposites of ourselves and try toinstead see the deeper reasons why those individuals are in our lives.
If everyone had the same perspectives, the same passions, interests or dreams, none of us would have any individuality, we would be akin to Agent Smith from The Matrix all trying to conform others to our way of being.
Instead, we have unique perspectives and opinions, we spiritually attract people who will challenge our core values or ways of looking at the world, spurring additional growth and accelerating our ascension.
By appreciating this concept we can start to look at how our past relationships have helped us grow stronger by realizing how the actions of our partners called into question “what do you stand for?”, “what behaviour will you tolerate?”, “how do you value yourself?”.
These lessons are invaluable to us, and looking at our past relationships from this perspective we can begin to see them as growing opportunities, remembering that most growth in life comes with some form of “growing pains“.
Forgiveness, For Others and Yourself
The prospect of forgiving those who really hurt us may seem nearly impossible, but this does not change the fact that forgiving them will show our deepest love and spiritual progression.
By looking at your ex from the perspective of “what caused them to be who they are?” and empathizing with them, and the awareness that “hurt people, hurt people“, we can find it easier to forgive. When we understand what the greater causes of the hurt may be, we can find the wisdom that is there for us to learn.
The next step in the forgiveness process is to then look at all the mistakes we specifically made in our past and forgive ourselves for our own ignorance. If we would have know the painful consequences of our actions, we surely would not have made those choices, but we need to hold a space of letting ourselves learn from our mistakes. All of these events happened for a reason, and by meditating on what those reasons might be we can find that deeper truth.
Being open to forgiving ourselves for starting a relationship that ended up causing pain, anger or regret, we can transform our negative experiences into learning opportunities and grow from them as a result!